Well, today in class a girl had an iPad. She sat there like a little slut, whoring around her popularity. The iPad rested on a stand with a keyboard attached. I did everything I could not to become physically sick. Another student in the class was so enamored by the gleaming iPad that he reached his hand under the table and started having sex. The authorities took care of that boy.
The girl had a smug air about her. The way she typed and slid her greasy digits across the screen sent shivers down the spines of her classmates. She surfed countless sites. Her downloading speeds were in the billions.
As someone who's had a love affair with magazines, I never thought that I'd be faced with seeing an iPad in a classroom. Now, excuse me while I go wipe the vomit from my upper lip.
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